Befriending Or Being a Friend

What quality do you value most in a friend?

WordPress Writing Prompt 1954

The qualities that I expect and value most in a friend are also the qualities that I give back to them. Every relationship is a two-ways street, and it takes two to tango! Before going into quality that I value; it would be best to know what a friend is to me.

What Is To Give in And To Expect

The need for a friend arises when you feel that what thoughts or ideas that you hold have resonance in another. Then, I would say that it is a narrow search for a friend. Of course, there must be some base values that are common between you and your friend. But your friend doesn’t have to be your replica.

Some qualities that I bring to my friendship table are honesty, open-mindedness, and perseverance despite long years of silence. A combo of three with some leeway for open-mindedness and perseverance happens. There are certain things which cannot be compromised and some you could let pass.

Difference in Befriending and in Being a Friend

But I feel to be a friend and to make friends are two different variables. I believe in being friends with one and all though not all can be your friend. But you are close only with those from whom you expect nothing in return; but just be friends with you. The freedom that you give is also received, then that is a good mark of friendship.

Befriending is a conscious thought and effort, while being a friend has an ulterior end in the mind. Sometimes, when I make friends, I tend to talk to all genially and that is being a friend to the person. When I freely express diverse views and the friend is willing to oppose that view vehemently, then we have a befriending situation at hand.

When I hear the opposing view, I may not hear it in my anger but if our friendship holds out in such situation, I believe that would be the true quality of a friend. We may need space and time to cool off before logic can kick-in for rescue. It is a safety valve to voice inner most thoughts, yet the controlled impropriety in friends can be found only with true friends.

In Friendship Nothing is Right or Wrong

The long distant travel companions in life are many and our life is a kind of Safarnaama or travel memoirs. Many friends get on board with us in our life’s journey either getting off or on based on their destination stations in the friendship train.

I am on a one-sided friendship with the writers who are long gone. I find them when I read their works. It doesn’t matter if they were famous or not. So friends with books, writers, poets, and creative writings especially, I found innumerable friends who held varying and vehemently opposing thought living quietly arranged in my bookshelves.

But to hold peace in a group of real-time physical friends, it would be best to leave disagreements for common peace. There the base values come in handy to adhere to group rules.

Personal Preference In Friends

I often befriend than be a friend. This reminds me of my school prayer

Lord, make me an instrument of your peace: where there is hatred, let me sow love; where there is injury, pardon; where there is doubt, faith; where there is despair, hope; where there is darkness, light; where there is sadness, joy.

a Peace Prayer by Saint Francis of Assisi

The words from this prayer moves me and my understanding of it. As said in the prayer, it is more important to understand and then be understood! I make efforts to value honesty, perseverance, and open-mindedness in any relationship. These are vital qualities that I look out for while making friends. The rest of it is settled using peaceful communication.

These days I spend more time with books and Visual media venues for new thoughts and new understanding. There are still real-time friends from physical contact though there are new friends happening in the virtual space too.

For me, friends are individuals whose presence is not decorative just yea and nay sayers. I look out for their different opinions and views. A friend is someone who freely voices their views within the stipulated freedom that both enjoy in the relationship.

Honesty Means for Me

My friend is someone who speaks the truth even if it is hard for me to hear. An understanding exists between us that there are diverse viewpoints to a situation. Neither should the friend politely say an untruth to soften the blow of reality. Yet when being honest and truthful it also suggests that the person understands how to place the new view thoughts for the troubled friend.

In the name of honesty, I don’t condone rudeness. It cannot be acceptable behavior; but with true friends who genuinely care for you, then expect that and give each other that gentility too. There have been many friendships that broke because of impolitely placed truth.

Your commenting friend is not your enemy, they want the best for their friend and wish to stir you clear of future trouble that the troubled you is not seeing.

Perseverance Means for Me

There are moments in our life and in others that the person may need space to think through in peace. Then, a good friend understand that need in you and patiently waits until you are ready to converse. I have an issue with long silence due to my slow processing of emotional data in my mind.

Only a few friends can hold out until I come out of the clam shell that I get into to calm myself for clarity of thought. In those moments I may be cranky and undecided of my route because of the perspective given to me by the friend. Then, a friend should be willing to break that silence or preserve until I break my silence.

Open-Mindedness Means for Me

Being able to see the other side of the coin while holding true to one side of the coin, can pitch the scale in various ways. There exists an openness in me to accept that everyone has a different mindset with some similarity. When the views are variant then supporting the other view allows for space for discussion. The topic is then open for discussion!

This is not a pre-requisite quality of value, but this helps in discussing with honesty the varying thoughts. Especially, when ideology gets into clash between the two. Then open-mindedness to look at the other view and see another’s perspective helps.

Friendship Without Strife Is a Mirage

The quality in Friendship that I value the most is to be honest. The sincerity of honesty cannot be changed at all. For it shows that the person values your friendship as much as they value being friends with you. Among friends there is no thank you or sorry.

I feel that it does not matter who you are friends with, but it does matter how you are friends to them.