A year ago, I wrote an advocacy piece and proudly presented it to my psychiatrist. I even asked him boldly what he thought of it. Being a gentleman and a professional, he simply said, “Keep writing…” Maybe he hoped it would help me clear some of the delusions I held. I was enthralled.
But a few months later, after distracting myself with books and drama, I returned to the piece. And oh, cringe! The trajectory was poor, the attitude off, the whole thing read like a personal tirade. For a while, I shelved it in remorse. Then—rare for me—I looked at it objectively and decided to learn more about my diagnosis, which had been handed to me a silver jubilee ago.
That’s when I stumbled upon the idea that sympathy may override empathy.
We are often told: “Empathize with the patient.” But why should someone wound themselves emotionally just to understand what I go through? I wouldn’t wish my condition even on an enemy, let alone on a friend trying to stand by me. So yes, if my support system offered sympathy rather than empathy, I’d feel both content and relieved.
Take today’s session. I was ranting about my reluctance to travel to the US for a family trip. Airports are overwhelming—too bright, too loud, too confusing. Yet I’ve managed every time, usually responsible for my elderly mother travelling to see her daughter. Oddly, that responsibility tones down my anxiety. Still, the thought of another trip is terrifying, especially after some bad experiences.
My phone battery was dying, and I rushed to explain to my psychiatrist why I feel sympathy is a safer, saner choice than empathy. When I left the session, I thought: I must write this down. But wiser this time, I turned to ChatGPT to help me articulate it—because I had the points in my head, but too much emotional overload to lay them out cleanly.
So here goes:
The Psychology of Sympathy vs. Empathy
🔹 Sympathy — “I feel for you.”
- Recognises suffering while keeping boundaries.
- Helps those who are emotionally exhausted still show care.
- Often preferred by people or cultures where boundaries are emphasised.
🔹 Empathy — “I feel with you.”
- Immerses in another’s emotions.
- Preferred by highly sensitive individuals, or those who’ve been through similar experiences.
Why This Preference Matters
- In relationships: Empaths expect emotional resonance; sympathy-leaning folks offer steadier reassurance.
- In caregiving: Empathy risks burnout; sympathy allows sustainable support.
- In therapy: Empathy helps build trust, but professionals must temper it with detachment to protect themselves.
For schizophrenia care, the line is sharper:
👉 Sympathy maintains emotional boundaries that protect both caregiver and patient.
Benefits of Sympathy in Schizophrenia Care
- Emotional Boundaries: Protect both patient and caregiver.
- Sustained Care: Prevents burnout and maintains clarity.
- Grounded Support: Avoids enmeshment and reinforces stability.
- Clinical Value: Reduces risk of reinforcing delusions.
A Clearer Picture
Supporting someone with schizophrenia is not about “feeling everything with them.” That can destabilize both sides. Delusions and hallucinations are not places a caregiver can safely follow. Sympathy allows compassion with clarity, making the caregiver a steady, calming presence.
| Aspect | Sympathy | Empathy |
| Emotional Involvement | Feels for the person; maintains boundaries | Feels with the person; immersive |
| Effect on Caregiver | Preserves clarity, less strain | Risks burnout, confusion |
| Suitability in Schizophrenia | Offers grounded support | May blur reality |
| Risk of Reinforcing Delusion | Low | Higher |
| Clinical Benefit | Consistent, calm presence | Can overload caregiver |
In Closing
The facts above are layered and clinical, but let me return to the personal.
At heart, I’m asking for sympathy, not empathy. I don’t want friends or family to carry my pain. It’s enough that I shoulder it. What I need is their steady support, their clarity, their willingness to stand near me—without falling into my storm.
If that makes me selfish, so be it. But I’d rather hurt alone than drag a loved one into the same hurt. Sympathy is enough.
Itinerant Storyteller 