Chai is my favourite beverage. Other drinks—juice, spoiled grape juice, soft drinks, mixed drinks—don’t interest me at all. I prefer the calm of chai made at a comfortable pace and drunk with no rush, while crafting a piece that has been brewing overnight.
I felt that Varanasi Masala Chai would be a great kickstarter for the day on my first attempt to make this variety from Teabox. I was in for a shock and surprise.
I opened the box, cut open the blended tea, and enjoyed the sound of the tea flowing into the storage container—which is airtight and holds all tea flavours right up to brewing.
Tea/Chai Conversations and Much More
I live alone and rarely have anyone over for chai and conversation. My fix is to fix myself a chai, open a new Word document, and there you go—having a one-sided conversation with the application.
I can play Lucifer, his advocate, Gabriel, and his support team, and almost have a well-rounded conversation with the application.
I seek not to be pitied for such loneliness, because it is not loneliness. It is chosen aloneness to think through my thoughts, which need an airing.
So what better way than to have a chai break with a new Word document?
Reality Check Before You Run Away with Wild Guesses
I can hold an intelligent conversation with anyone if I switch to listening-and-learning mode. That gives me the most needed insight into humanity.
I come across many people in the walk of daily life. But sometimes I am alone with my thoughts in the early hours of the day—and I love that the most.
I love to talk non-stop to an application but not to a person. I never found anyone who was interested in what I have to say and share.
But that never deterred me. I could always talk aloud to myself because it would be an interesting courtroom with the accused, victim, defendant, prosecutor, and mind you—even the judge.
In such a courtroom, I take rounds with each person and defend a theory that I hold or confirm. But sometimes, a situation like from the play, Silence! The Court is in Session by Vijay Tendulkar happens—where the court is declared adjourned forever.
Cases That Don’t Make Sense
Of course, there are cases that are not resolved. But in three or four months, they are revisited for new perspectives. That is when you realise that the case does not make any sense, because the arguments are static and not dynamic at all.
So here was an old case: having difficulty opening to people and having that most important conversation for clarification. But it does not happen. Why? I feel I can only bring one perspective to the conversation.
Partly that is the reason I love court scenes and movies about law in the courtroom. Sometimes I will defend just for the sake of defending a moot point and reduce it to pathetic begging for a false notion of justice.
So I feel Varanasi Chai didn’t make the cut. But I am not wasting it, and nor am I going to give it to someone I dislike—mainly due to the fact that they hold a different point of view.
Varanasi Chai Refused to Make That Special Ek Cutting Chai
I mean, I loved the rose petals in Kashmiri Saffron Chai not in Varanasi Chai. But then, in a Masala Chai, I want a punch of masala.
But this chai felt like eating paan post-repast. Since I felt that the first time, I refuse to be such a critic of the Varanasi chai. So now I am drinking it daily, even though I want Koilamari in the afternoon without milk.
I refuse to accept a one-sided view of any chai—or any topic, for that matter. I read the labels and ingredients to find out what combination created this sharp dislike. Then I can wield my purchasing power.
My Relationship Angle Refusing Varanasi Chai
Varanasi chai and I are two different people. We are not speaking the same language, and that saddens me greatly.
Much like all the relationships in my life, Varanasi is not conversing with me. I feel the hurt of the silence that creeps in like a wall refusing to allow communication between us.
Sometimes we look at a person and immediately come to a conclusive prejudice about them. An atypical plot of Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen—where the hero is conveniently rich.
Varanasi Chai and I are in ‘Silent Disagreement’ with each other. The chai refuses to budge, and I refuse to accept a paan taste in my chai. Now it is an impasse between us.
Chai and Emotions That Need Air
This reminds me of my marriage. This is my side of the story. My former partner would tell it differently. I can only write my own truth.
I always believe that one needs to put effort into a relationship. But if the basics are wrong, then there is no hope for a future togetherness.
A huge, unbreakable silence ruled in my marriage. Because of my mental health condition, I often felt that I was not seen as fully human—more like an unpredictable presence. Over time, that silence made me feel like a piece of furniture in the apartment. Present but not really there.
My marriage was quite an extreme experience. But at least with Varanasi chai, there is space for us to commune and to communicate.
My decision about this tea is much like what I eventually felt for my marriage: to part as friends, even if no love remains.
Sadly, the split was not friendly. The courtroom process was distressful. The courtroom felt less like the dignified spaces I had seen in plays and movies, and more like a wholesale market where names were shouted and a divorce was declared after nearly the better part of a year.
Then I understood that a real courtroom is not like in the plays or films. It is more like a fish market where the highest bidder gets the stock.
My Relationship Patterns
I feel the issue is partly with me. I am a born loner, and I love being by myself. I don’t always wish for company because I am often enough to keep myself company. So you would rarely see me making friends or building relationships.
Even in my sibling relationship, my sister puts in more effort to keep in touch, but I don’t. I come out of my hiding only to stand interaction for a few moments. But there are days when I want more interaction. At that time, I don’t have anyone with whom I worked hard to make a relationship.
Unlike Assam Chai and others from Teabox, I was able to make some connection. But with Varanasi, I couldn’t force myself at all. That saddens me more than the chai’s disappointing flavour.
Because I believe I am amiable with all, and I refuse to accept that I would fail in being kind and considerate in any relationship. Partly the reason I never argue—and if I sense an argument, I do the cowardly act of running away or shutting myself off.
Healthy Arguments Mean a Live Relationship
My marriage felt like a dead relationship because there was very little voice of opinion—mostly silence, and at times, cold-shouldered ignoring. Even furniture has its opinion and use. Being treated as a burden to carry—perhaps because of some slim monetary benefit—will destroy even the most faithful follower of elders’ rules. Eventually, they will rebel.
When there was no acceptance and no willingness to try to understand the other person, and when ghosting became frequent, it weakened any will to preserve the marriage. It made me feel that maybe if I removed myself from the equation, all would be well. And in the end, it was beautifully relieving to be whole again—not wallowing in thoughts of missteps.
Divorce or Peaceful Ending
For me, my divorce was—and will always be—a peaceful ending. After all, there was no real meeting of minds, just the Hindu rite of marriage and a live-in physical relationship. Understanding of each other was lacking on both sides.
This empty feeling almost reminded me of my marriage—no progress as a couple. But then that is true for other relationships too. At least there was acceptance in my family for my style of doing things.
Sadly, both of us in our marriage were clueless about how to resolve issues. And money became a recurring tension—not because of bad intentions, but because we wanted very different things. I would be happy with very little, but my partner wanted more—much more—and quickly.
Material things are fine, but they alone wouldn’t make a person satisfied and happy. I don’t remember being happy in my marriage like I am right now.
Looking back, I believe my partner thought that having more things would bring happiness. That logic simply didn’t work for me. We never really did anything together. His unspoken mantra seemed to be about property, money, and getting full value from everything. I, on the other hand, quietly believed that a willing heart is enough.
So our marriage landed in the fish-market courtroom and ended with a judge declaring us divorced from now on.
Sometimes I feel guilty that I am much happier now than I was when married. But then, now I can breathe. And it doesn’t take a lot to be happy.
Different Goals in Life
Sadly, different views and goals in married life are very hard on a relationship. At least one common view is most needed. And if none exists, a duty-based relationship cannot sustain all-take-and-no-give forever.
But then, it would be harsh to say Varanasi chai kept taking and didn’t give. What it gave was simply not right for my taste. Constant confirmation would wreck the situation. So maybe there will be another person who likes this flavour. But I must sadly part with this flavour of chai once I finish the pack and go find happiness in other flavours of chai—and of life.
Because unlike marriage, which is with only one person, I feel that chai is more like a friend who keeps company while you knock out the sense of logic in your mental courtroom rounds.
That is the most interesting thing about chai. It is a pleasure to make and have a conversation with. And as you consume the chai, you connect with your own refined self.
My Life’s Takeaway
This mismatch of chai taste reminds me that, one bad relationship does not mean that other relations in our life will be bad. Marriage partnership is not the only relationship in one person’s life.
One needs to dust yourself and pick up your crumbling life become remade into a new version that will be stronger and emotionally grounded. It takes time, but it will happen eventually.
But sadly the conservative view is that a marriage partner is the only way for a girl child when that is not a proven penultimate truth of life. The flavours of life are just like a creative blended brew.
Much like adding Ceylon Cinnamon with cloves, cardamom, pepper, and tiny piece of ginger well boiled until the oils are out. Then add in the Koilamari single estate leaves that opens and stretch into your hot spice water and steeped for 5 minutes and filtered with touch of hot milk is a magic brew for me. Gets the afternoon headache off for me.
There are many kinds of relationship sometimes it is a matter of fixing an obvious issue or finding a blessed balance in life. I really envy my mother and father for their blessed balance though they were such a misfit.
I appreciate the fact that she taught me much. But some of her teaching even now needs revisiting with new and improved perspective.
So my stand for Varanasi Chai is a rigid taste view. Sometimes, patience is needed to discover the true insight for the specific flavour the team tried to achieve but it backfired for me.
I am still rooting for Varanasi Chai but I might not be the best judge of the specific flavours ensemble to create the blended brew. Sadly we are moving night ships.
Itinerant Storyteller 